he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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