i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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