In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
