3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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