Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
