your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
