John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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