I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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