Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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