I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize