There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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