I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize