if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
