Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
