whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
