Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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