i can't believe i had my finger in that
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
