Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
