I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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