I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize