Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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