so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
