if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
How naked do you want me to be?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
