dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
