YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
