Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
nutella sex= disaster
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
