Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
