Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
