sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
