Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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