I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
