I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
