im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
porn star boner night. come get it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
