Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
