Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
