what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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