Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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