At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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