The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
