its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize