you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
