Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
