Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
