If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
