The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
