Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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