omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
