Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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