If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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