he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
