that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
