Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
