You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
