Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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