Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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