there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
