yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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