why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
