Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
