dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Welp...herpes.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
