I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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