I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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