I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My balls are so social today.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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