the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
