I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize