Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
