So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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