Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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