maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
