so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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