Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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