I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
