Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
